Saturday, November 19, 2005

Knife Hunting

The tongue hurts the back of my haed. I've spilt too many honeyed words now to go back on anything I might have birthed. I'm stuck in this loathesome motherhood to my debauchery. I'll never sleep. I never sleep. The silence knows my fury now. I can't stand being whole anymore - Goddess knows how much I live for my friends and how much I love them but I'm finding it difficult to survive anything other than the perpetuity. I can't live a lie.

I won't.

My shadow is laughing at me as my soul swims the clear and tranquil seas of my yesterdays. Yesterdays make tomorrow so bitter.


Low Points: See above.

High Points: The fact that tomorrow might be less salted with my cynicism.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Hmmm. . .

Hmmm. . . I've not been entirely faithful to the old blog. . . But that's by the by. I pop in when I can and leave another part of myself behind to reflect on. If nothing else this can be used as a living testimony of me. Me. . .

I'm going to bed soon as I'm kinda pooped from work etc. Gah. I'm in a 9am lecture and cannit be arsed with it. Bugger.

Oooh - there is a potential on the horiszon - seen him out at the Union and I think he seen me so I'll know how he feels depending on how the conversation goes. La la la la. . .


Anyway - I'm off to bed I think as the eyes are conspiring against me.


Low Points: Tiredness.

High Points: Moisturiser.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Righty - listen up you ignorant fools!

Feminism has never been about one-upmanship over men. If women did that they are essentially making themselves into a female version of the oppressive patriarchy they fought to be free from. Feminsim is about proving the worth of self as both a person and as a woman. Installing a matriarchy could never work for the same reason the patriarchy didn't work. If you become a militant gender nazi you are undoing the work of Miss Pankhurst and her dedicated followers.


Do not let yourself become responsible for destroying the hard work of your ancestral mothers.

Do not let it happen.


Low Points: See above.

High Points: Mental clarity after sleeplessness and discoveries!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Fuckitty.

He just text me. 'He' used to be my Northern Light - now he's a stain bleeding down the country towards me. And yet I can't help myself - you'd think after third degree burns I'd keep away from the fucking fire. Apparantly not.

Damn.


I can't understand the attraction - I only know it's there. I only know.


Low Points: Text messages.

High Points: Text messages.


F.U.C.K.

Friday, October 21, 2005

My first all-nighter in ages. . .

I feel so rough - I'm definately going to suffer for this one. I can feel the head starting to rise and I know I'm in for a roller coaster ride in torment for the next 24Hrs. Luckily - I have until 12pm on Saturday to sleep.

Job at Argos is going quite well - the money is shiny and the folk are good so I'm not bitching. Might even be till-trained this weekend - oh the pant wetting excitement.


Anyway - Vivien. I've stopped going to see her as my honey-tongued sugar pills worked and she thinks I'm fine. But, when you start using phrases like "honey-tongued sugar pills" you kinda know you're not doing magickally! Never mind. I wan't born yesterday and I won't die tomorrow. I'm a fighter and all that jazz. . . Carpe Diem. Seize the day - by the bollocks if possible!


Anyway - I'm off to lie down for a wee bit and hope the sleep sickness doesn't catch up with me.

Note to self: find disc, save essay onto disc, print essay, hand essay in, pass course!


Low Points: Sleep Sickness and Headaches.

High Points: A lazy day!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Humble.

I got the job I wanted in Argos which cuts the bitterness of my pill. Money is such a wonderful thing - especially when you have it.

Anyway - Not been here much but I've not been anywhere else which is something. Been to see Vivien twice now and I think I can handle her - she seems willing to believe most of what I say which is good. Power, like money, is a wonderful thing. Anyway - speaking to her seems to have calmed the beast and suchlike so I'll go again and lace her up backwards with my pretty tongue and my arms full of rosebud lies. I can save myself and do untold damage at the same time.

And I usually do.


Fraaar. I shall listen to Fiona Apple until my eyes shut tonight - that's my final decision!


Low Points: Sore feet.

High Points: Argos, wages and possible new friends?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Le sigh. . . Again.

Bleh. I have an interview thing tonight and I have the fear. . . I want the job but secretly cannot be bothered.

Sai. Anyway - went to see the scary woman and she thinks I'm more nuts that a walnut tree which is good. Those weren't her exact words but I knew she wanted to blurt it out! Heheheh. Anyway - I got booked up for another three appointments which can't be good. Beh. Also have a Dr's appointment to keep her happy. I have to try and remain in control of this situation. Both this and the Nothing. But still. . . I'm quite resourceful and I rarely lose! *fingers crossed* I hope I win this time - she strikes me as the type who has enough power to put me away.

But - Uni is going well, workload is evil but good - I'm still coping with it.

I'm gonna be an Argos Elf. . . Woo. Did you hear the enthusiasm in that "Woo"? Did ya?

Never mind. . .


Low Points: Lung pain.

High Points: Nik Naks and UHP.